Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
