sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
