I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
