I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
