Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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