Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
