She is in my trunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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