Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
