I like to think it a success when the cops are called
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
