I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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