Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
