Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
