Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
