So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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