we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
