Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
