R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
