brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
