Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
