someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
