the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
