I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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