Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
