His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
