I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
