he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
