I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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