hell yes lets make some ravioli
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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