I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
