She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
