finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
