That's intense
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
