Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
