dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
