I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
