I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
