So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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