I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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