I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
