i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
