i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
