I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
