I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
