maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
