note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
