do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
