I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
