This is not my ceiling
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
