remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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