Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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