Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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