mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
