Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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