I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
