Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Come see our sink grown plant.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
