shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are two peas in an std pod
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
